Where Does the Time Go?

Time gets away from me. Real life has stepped up big time.

I had one of those surreal life and death moments on Saturday. The Princess is 8 months pregnant and we had her baby shower on Saturday afternoon. You know how baby showers are. They are so full of hope for the future. I remember when I was pregnant with her and with Junior and how I had so many dreams for them. I wondered what sort of person they'd be. I'm not sure either kid has come close to my over-active imagination, but I can't complain. Too much. The truth is, they ended up a lot like their parents. I don't know about you, but when I dream and pray for my kids, they don't turn out anything like me, at least not any of my flaws. The kids nailed the flaws.

Driving home, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I couldn't get it out to answer it in time. I saw that it was my Best Friend. She was supposed to be at the shower but she was home sick. At first I thought she was calling to see how the shower went, but thought it odd she'd call my cell to do that. So then I worried that something happened to one of her kids or to her husband. I tried to call her back, but we were in a bad reception area. I waited until I got home. There was a message on my machine. I figured it was BF. Instead, it was someone from our bowling league. One of our league members died of a heart attack that morning -- he was not only a league bowler, but his wife bowled on his team and his son, daughter-in-law, and daughter bowled on other teams in the league. I saw him on Monday night. He was joking around as usual. Who would have thought that was it.

A day where we got to celebrate the hope of life ends with the stark reminder that life leads to death.

In the weight loss/better health report: the cereal "diet" is hard when you have to meet people for lunch or go to a party. Although I've been trying to eat a bowl of cereal for lunch each day, and I've eliminated virtually all unhealthy snack food from the pantry. Soon we'll be past leftover season. That will help too. I've not been to the gym much the past two weeks either, in part because of my weird schedule. I would have gone on Friday, but I was expecting a friend to arrive from out of town. Instead, she called at 7 to say she had just left after having dinner with her husband and she'd arrive around 10. By then, our evening was all messed up and the gym was out. I did, however, do gardening on Sunday and spent 15 minutes walking on my step and 15 minutes on abs.

New Start

Lent is over. Easter is over. Spring will come eventually. So I'm going to try again to get my weight under control. This morning I wrote down my list of foods to eat and beverages to drink.

Last year I tried the Special K "diet." It says if you eat the cereal for two meals out of your day, eat low-cal healthy snacks, eat a regular third meal, and drink normally. I lost 2 pounds the first week I did it, but the second week got a little out of whack. I haven't been able to try it again for a while. I think now is a good time to restart it.

I'll be able to get back to the gym, too. March and April so far have not been good for gym time, between other obligations, going out of town, and being sick. I've been to one kick-boxing class in 6 weeks. Not good. I'm going to start taking some other classes, as well, now that life is calming down a little. As soon as the weather warms up a bit, I'm going to work on weekly bike rides to town.

Last week I bought a pedometer. On Saturday, the pedometer was gone. I have the worst time with those suckers. This is the first one that fell off and got lost -- my stupidity, putting my phone in my pocket right under the thing. Usually they fall off as I'm pulling down my pants and break on the floor. One fell in the toilet and was destroyed by the water. One flat out stopped working for reasons I don't understand. It wasn't the battery, as I put in a fresh one. The husband thinks I should just give up, but I find they really motivate me to walk more. I just need to figure out how to keep one longer than two weeks. I could sure use suggestions if anybody ever reads this.

Home again

I didn't look like too much of a cow in the new bikini -- yes, I splurged on something that made me look like I had boobs. Ate relatively little -- almost no snacking on junk food, which I gave up for Lent -- drank more than usual but nothing to accessive except maybe one night. I jumped rope, did water exercises, walked along the beach, so I got exercise in. I got on the scale a few days after I came home and it read 134 1/2, three pounds less than when we left.

It's been hard getting back into the swing of things coming back. I've been to the gym twice. I haven't been to my kickboxing class in over a month and I'm not sure I'll get there tonight. It's be almost solid work for me since coming home. I shouldn't be writing here, either, but I'm having trouble jumpstarting myself today. It is going to be a long night of writing.

Nothing

Nothing. That's what I've done lately. Nothing. I'm eating less and other than today, which was a weird day, am not snacking at all. But I see no change on the scale.

I get so frustrated, and I know I shouldn't. I've been feeling stressed lately. I wonder if the stress has something to do with it.

On top of it all, I need to find a new coffee cup. Just one more thing to do. Do you know how hard it is to find the perfect coffee cup? I had the perfect coffee cup, but it cracked and now leaks. It's hard to get a good start to your day when your coffee is dripping on your lap.

Sizes

I will never understand why the folks in clothing design can't get their act together. And I know most of you out there will have no sympathy for me whatsoever when I talk about this.

For many many years, I've been a size 6 on every part of my body. Shoes. Clothes. Rings. Probably my hat size, too. Made life simple for the husband.

But for the last year, my Lee jeans have been tight on me. And even though I can see some tummy flatness, I swear, my jeans keep getting harder to button. Part of me thinks the husband has somehow managed to shrink them, and I've asked him to keep them out of the dryer. He does not listen to me. I may have to bite the bullet and go up to a size 8.

However, I want to buy some nicer, non-denim pants for an upcoming trip and to have for church and stuff. On Sunday, I put on a pair of black dress pants, size 6, and they fit perfectly. Even a little room at the waist. In fact, all of my dress pants fit just fine.

So why can't my jeans fit as well?

I live in sweats, but I'm trying to get out of that mentality. I think that's one reason why the weight came on. In sweats I couldn't tell how my weight changed, but when I was wearing jeans every day, I knew if there was an extra ounce. I figure if I wear my jeans more, I'll be more aware. It seems to help. I'm also more uncomfortable.

I haven't been writing down my food intake since Lent, largely because my eating is more controlled right now. Yesterday I was out with girlfriends. There was a table food of snack foods. I had some wine, nothing else. I wasn't even tempted. I'm drinking a lot more water lately, too. Yesterday I was feeling really good, loved the way my body looked, until I put on my jeans.

Sigh

Went to the gym. I weighed 137, up 3/4 pounds since last week. I knew it was a fluke. The new bathing suit arrived today. I thought I bought the right size top, but it's a little tight. It's weird. I feel lighter. When I'm laying down, my belly feels flatter. That's always been a good gauge for me -- how my belly sinks. I know. It's weird. But it works for me.

So I was disappointed to step on the scale and find that I've gone up, not down, and to put on that bathing suit and see nothing but fleshiness and flab.

Lent

Yesterday was Fat Tuesday. On my list of food to eat I made a note: feel free to indulge today! I also wrote down "one or more donuts." In my culture, Fat Tuesday is called Donut Day and when I was a kid, the lunch ladies served fastnacht donuts with the meal. Only day of the year we got donuts with school lunch. I even made sure I had a donut in New Orleans at Mardi Gras (well, and a beignet, too). It was my first and only taste of a Krispy Kreme, which was nasty. Way too sweet.

Anyway, as I was getting my donut, I was thirsty for a cream soda for some reason, so I did what I haven't done in years. I bought a full calorie soda. I almost always drink diet on the rare occasions I drink soda. And I bought a bag of munchies. I splurged.

Today is Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent. I always fast for Lent. Today it means eating only one full meal and one smaller one, but throughout the rest of Lent, I give up snacking and eat only healthy foods, which I found is very purifying both in body and soul.

I went to kickboxing class yesterday. I didn't have a chance to weigh myself because I was rushed on my both ends of class. Probably a good thing. I am very bloated right now. Jeans that fit a little snug a week ago are almost impossible to button this week. I've not been good about drinking water lately either, which doesn't help. I can always feel the difference if I am drinking less water than I should be.

Ash Wednesday mass tonight, then choir, then hopefully the gym to do a little bit of lifting.

Bleh

Feeling like a bloated cow today. Maybe because I am a bloated cow today. I hate this time of the month. My fingers are so fat I can't even twist my rings.

Kickboxing class tomorrow.

Working or a Fluke?

I've been doing the recording my food for a week now. It's tough to keep it up. Like the one night, I figured we'd be having our usual salad for supper but plans got changed. So now I just write down "supper" because, well, that's what I'm eating and it is the meal most subject to change or not completely in my control.

The important thing is that I'm not popping extra food in my mouth or grazing. Like the other day, the husband was making a salad and normally I'll steal a black olive or two from the can. That day, I drank a glass of water instead.

Today was the first day I've been able to hop on the scale since last Saturday. It was 135 1/4. I know a pound is neither here nor there, but I'd like to think that I'm going in the right direction.

Mother Nature's Exercise Room

No need to get to the gym today. I already put in a good 30 minuutes of shoveling snow, and I suspect I'll be out there later to shovel again, after I finish some work. I needed to shovel it because my pregnant daughter had to get out of the driveway and she obviously couldn't shovel.

In our house, we get a jump on the snow shoveling by shoveling it in bits and pieces. Lots of people around here wait until the snow stops before they start and use snow blowers. I hate snow blowers. We shovel the driveway after every couple of inches, if possible. It's good exercise and not too straining because it is little snow at a time.

Told my best friend about my new write it down or not eat it rule. She loved it. It allowed me to easily wave away a piece of cake last night. Not that I would have taken it because I don't like cake but that icing sure did look good! I need to write down my list for today.

Not sure if I've lost any weight over the past few days, although I'm definitely eating differently and bumping up some exercise time. But I'm beginning to feel better.

Writing things down

Yesterday I wrote down everything I planned to eat and drink during the day. I wasn't exact with it, but I tried to stay close. In the evening, something happened that made me realize why this system -- writing things down that I plan to eat rather writing it down after I eat it -- will work for me.

As I was walking through the kitchen, the husband offered me some chips. Chips are my danger food. I love chips more than any other snack food. And I said, "No thanks. Chips aren't on my list." Later in the evening, he made a bag of popcorn. Popcorn was also not on my list for the day, so I declined. In the past, I would have taken a handful of chips and a bowl of popcorn. I even checked on my desire for the last Hershey kiss in the candy jar.

It's all in the mind, but I think I'm am less likely to cheat and mindlessly graze if I am planning ahead.

Trainer Time

I met with my trainer yesterday. He set up a workout routine for my legs. I already had one for my upper body. He warned me that my butt would be sore today from the leg press. He was so right! The focus on the lower body will require a renewed focus on a strong core. That'll help this apple shape.

A 50-year-old woman I met yesterday with a perfectly flat tummy said that her abs are her most difficult spot too. She said she managerd to shrink it with lots of cardio to burn fat and losing the weight. That, she said, is what I must do, too. My abs are very strong and muscular, I can feel that.

I weighed 136 1/4 pounds yesterday. My workout at the gym lasted an hour, all of it with the trainer with this new workout routine, and then I finished up with some abs and back exercises. We went to visit friends last night. I had a couple glasses of wine and munched on peanuts. I drank water between each glass of wine, too.

I won't make it to the gym again until Wednesday night, so I need to do some exercises here at home.

I read a lot about writing down everything you eat. I've tried that. It didn't work all that well for me. Fitness Magazine this month has an alternative suggestion -- write down everything you plan to eat that day and cross it off as you go. I live and die by my to-do lists and crossing things off. I suspect this will work much better for me.

Getting Serious about Losing Weight

In January, I saw the local university was looking for subjects to participate in a weight loss and fitness study. I checked the criteria in the ad: I met the age requirement; I didn't smoke; I was overall healthy. So I called. I was on the phone with the woman for 15 minutes, learning about the study, and she asked me a ton of questions that involved the requirements I saw in the paper. Was I interested, she asked. Yes!!! Okay, she said, I need some more information so we can get you signed up for the study. What was my height? 5'4". What was my weight? 136. So sorry, said the woman on the phone. This study is for overweight women only. And she hung up.

I was more than a little annoyed. The ad stated nothing about weight requirements. Her initial questions never mentioned weight. And I hear it a lot other places, from other people. If I mention I'd like to lose some weight, I get: you don't need to lose any weight, you're fine, shut up.

But here's the deal. I'm not happy with the way I look or feel. In two years, my weight shot up nearly 10 pounds. My clothes barely fit around my waist. I'm 44 and losing weight is a lot more difficult than it used to be. All of my fat desposits are in my abs and tummy, the most dangerous place for a female. And yes, there is vanity involved here. I look great everywhere else on my body, but the middle of me is a big ball of flab.

I had hoped being part of that study would lead me to better lifestyle choices and the tools needed to reach an optimum weight and stay there. Without that, I need something else to hold me accountable. Hence this blog. I'll pretend people are out there reading me and holding me accountable. Who knows, maybe someone actually will.

In a nutshell, I would like to lose those 10 pounds I gained. I have always felt healthiest between 120-125 pounds. At the very least, I'd like to get rid of the belly flab. I do work out fairly regularly -- I'm off to the gym as soon as I hit the publish button here -- and I'm fairly muscular. I work at home, so I lost the natural exercise that had been built into my day, like walking up steps, walking from the parking lot to the office, walking to lunch destinations.

I'm a terrible eater. I can't stand to eat breakfast. I snack late at night. I don't eat as many fruits and veggies as I should. Now, I don't eat cookies or cake or donuts or syrup or pasta or a lot of bad foods. My downfall are salty, crunchy snacks. And I like to have a drink in the evenings.

I need to increase my daily exercise/movement output, change my eating habits, and cut down on the alcohol. On my blog I plan to post my progress, discuss what I eat, and come up with ideas for moving more during the day.

My first goal is to be at 130 by March 10. One month. Six pounds. Possible? My reward: a new bathing suit.