Home again

I didn't look like too much of a cow in the new bikini -- yes, I splurged on something that made me look like I had boobs. Ate relatively little -- almost no snacking on junk food, which I gave up for Lent -- drank more than usual but nothing to accessive except maybe one night. I jumped rope, did water exercises, walked along the beach, so I got exercise in. I got on the scale a few days after I came home and it read 134 1/2, three pounds less than when we left.

It's been hard getting back into the swing of things coming back. I've been to the gym twice. I haven't been to my kickboxing class in over a month and I'm not sure I'll get there tonight. It's be almost solid work for me since coming home. I shouldn't be writing here, either, but I'm having trouble jumpstarting myself today. It is going to be a long night of writing.

Nothing

Nothing. That's what I've done lately. Nothing. I'm eating less and other than today, which was a weird day, am not snacking at all. But I see no change on the scale.

I get so frustrated, and I know I shouldn't. I've been feeling stressed lately. I wonder if the stress has something to do with it.

On top of it all, I need to find a new coffee cup. Just one more thing to do. Do you know how hard it is to find the perfect coffee cup? I had the perfect coffee cup, but it cracked and now leaks. It's hard to get a good start to your day when your coffee is dripping on your lap.

Sizes

I will never understand why the folks in clothing design can't get their act together. And I know most of you out there will have no sympathy for me whatsoever when I talk about this.

For many many years, I've been a size 6 on every part of my body. Shoes. Clothes. Rings. Probably my hat size, too. Made life simple for the husband.

But for the last year, my Lee jeans have been tight on me. And even though I can see some tummy flatness, I swear, my jeans keep getting harder to button. Part of me thinks the husband has somehow managed to shrink them, and I've asked him to keep them out of the dryer. He does not listen to me. I may have to bite the bullet and go up to a size 8.

However, I want to buy some nicer, non-denim pants for an upcoming trip and to have for church and stuff. On Sunday, I put on a pair of black dress pants, size 6, and they fit perfectly. Even a little room at the waist. In fact, all of my dress pants fit just fine.

So why can't my jeans fit as well?

I live in sweats, but I'm trying to get out of that mentality. I think that's one reason why the weight came on. In sweats I couldn't tell how my weight changed, but when I was wearing jeans every day, I knew if there was an extra ounce. I figure if I wear my jeans more, I'll be more aware. It seems to help. I'm also more uncomfortable.

I haven't been writing down my food intake since Lent, largely because my eating is more controlled right now. Yesterday I was out with girlfriends. There was a table food of snack foods. I had some wine, nothing else. I wasn't even tempted. I'm drinking a lot more water lately, too. Yesterday I was feeling really good, loved the way my body looked, until I put on my jeans.

Sigh

Went to the gym. I weighed 137, up 3/4 pounds since last week. I knew it was a fluke. The new bathing suit arrived today. I thought I bought the right size top, but it's a little tight. It's weird. I feel lighter. When I'm laying down, my belly feels flatter. That's always been a good gauge for me -- how my belly sinks. I know. It's weird. But it works for me.

So I was disappointed to step on the scale and find that I've gone up, not down, and to put on that bathing suit and see nothing but fleshiness and flab.

Lent

Yesterday was Fat Tuesday. On my list of food to eat I made a note: feel free to indulge today! I also wrote down "one or more donuts." In my culture, Fat Tuesday is called Donut Day and when I was a kid, the lunch ladies served fastnacht donuts with the meal. Only day of the year we got donuts with school lunch. I even made sure I had a donut in New Orleans at Mardi Gras (well, and a beignet, too). It was my first and only taste of a Krispy Kreme, which was nasty. Way too sweet.

Anyway, as I was getting my donut, I was thirsty for a cream soda for some reason, so I did what I haven't done in years. I bought a full calorie soda. I almost always drink diet on the rare occasions I drink soda. And I bought a bag of munchies. I splurged.

Today is Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent. I always fast for Lent. Today it means eating only one full meal and one smaller one, but throughout the rest of Lent, I give up snacking and eat only healthy foods, which I found is very purifying both in body and soul.

I went to kickboxing class yesterday. I didn't have a chance to weigh myself because I was rushed on my both ends of class. Probably a good thing. I am very bloated right now. Jeans that fit a little snug a week ago are almost impossible to button this week. I've not been good about drinking water lately either, which doesn't help. I can always feel the difference if I am drinking less water than I should be.

Ash Wednesday mass tonight, then choir, then hopefully the gym to do a little bit of lifting.

Bleh

Feeling like a bloated cow today. Maybe because I am a bloated cow today. I hate this time of the month. My fingers are so fat I can't even twist my rings.

Kickboxing class tomorrow.

Working or a Fluke?

I've been doing the recording my food for a week now. It's tough to keep it up. Like the one night, I figured we'd be having our usual salad for supper but plans got changed. So now I just write down "supper" because, well, that's what I'm eating and it is the meal most subject to change or not completely in my control.

The important thing is that I'm not popping extra food in my mouth or grazing. Like the other day, the husband was making a salad and normally I'll steal a black olive or two from the can. That day, I drank a glass of water instead.

Today was the first day I've been able to hop on the scale since last Saturday. It was 135 1/4. I know a pound is neither here nor there, but I'd like to think that I'm going in the right direction.